Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
