She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
