yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
