You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize