His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
