Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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