Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
