who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so let's talk penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
