so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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