It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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