make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we made out on top of his cat.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
