Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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