we're blogging at a bar
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
