i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
