Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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