i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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