Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
