Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
