i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
