So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
