Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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