I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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