If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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