So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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