I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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