I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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