ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
