Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
