she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
