I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
