So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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