dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize