She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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