everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
