I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
