just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Found your dick twin last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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