mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
