You're my little dorito
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
