I hope mine doesn't look like that
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
worst night to have a conscience
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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