My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
