I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
