my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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