John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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