If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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