i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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