don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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