Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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