is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
