my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
