My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
