My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
