I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
