Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
