did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
