There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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