I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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