It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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