looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
