First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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