Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
