I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
