There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
