Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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