as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
