Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
