we're blogging at a bar
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
