Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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