Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize